Dear Together Friends, Fans, and Family,
[there is snow on the ground in March, how do I help my 13-year-old support his best friend with family in the Middle East, is this lunch meat still good, Kid 2 is officially driving ON THE ROAD, prays for literal sunshine, and per usual, lots of thoughts and feelings]
Welcome to the inside of my brain. I’m exhausted. You? It feels funny to preface this missive with yet another, “How do I send a monthly newsletter about time management when the world feels horrific and cruel?” But, you didn’t come here for my commentary (OR MAYBE YOU DID?!), you came for my untempered buoyancy, planning prowess, and work and life observations related to Togetherness, so here goes another month.
Also, we are offering a NEW COURSE. . . the one you all have been asking for. . . The Together Trainer! I’m capping our initial course at 30 seats, so sign up now. We have done two pilots with trusted partners, and we are ready to roll. Come join us and learn how The Together Team prepares for our online classes, builds culture, and engineers engagement to make adult learning focused, participatory, and impactful!
Anyway. . .
I’ve been thinking about limbo, and how easy it is to avoid planning because of the natural chaos that is life.
Those moments when you can’t lock in a direction or even decide what next Tuesday looks like.
- The cat with the bladder infection will be cleared from the ER soon – will I need to pick him up now or after dinner?
- A contract may or may not get signed — so does the trip happen?
- A kid’s ankle may or may not be healed — so is there practice?
- A colleague may be out sick tomorrow – will I need to attend the meeting on their behalf?
When you are Sitting in Limbo (cue Jimmy Cliff, the soundtrack of my childhood), it can feel paralyzing (why plan at all?) or overwhelming (there are too many possible paths!). And yet, plans must be made, work must be attended to, and children and pets must be fed. And so. . .
When I’m Sitting in Limbo, here’s what helps:
- Plot out multiple paths forward. Instead of waiting for clarity before I make a plan, I sketch the two or three most likely outcomes. If X happens, I’ll do Y. If not, I’ll do Z. I sometimes literally draw a map with various arrows. You don’t need to build full plans — just outlines. This reduces decision fatigue later.
- Determine a Decide-By Date. I was thinking about this when we didn’t have a final decision on if a Together Training in Philadelphia could proceed, due to weather. I had to say, “If no new information arrives by Wednesday at 5 PM, I will move forward with Option B.” The bonus of this strategy is your brain can be freed up from thinking about it right now.
- Separate “waiting” from “avoiding.” Sometimes we’re genuinely waiting on external information. When Leo the Cat was at the emergency vet last month, we had to make a tough decision about his medical care. At first, I thought Dr. Together and I were avoiding the situation, but then I realized we were actually waiting for additional test results which were not yet available. Once we named that we were in “waiting” mode, it made the situation feel more manageable. Also, for those worried, Leo the Cat is home and doing well.
Leo The Cat’s official portrait.
- Anchor what is stable. Honestly, it feels like very little right now is stable. But when I feel wobbly, I double down on what is steady — or what I want to be steady. This is a callback to our Minimum Daily Requirements. Maybe it is just a Morning Routine (if you are into that sort of thing), or a lunch you make yourself every week, or a phone call to a sibling. The smaller steadiness moves can help when there is a lot of ambiguity.
- Make Micro-Moves. When I got a double phone call from the middle school nurse last week, I wasn’t sure where the 7th grader’s ankle situation would land (pun intended). Do I go to the ER, Urgent Care, the pediatrician, or the orthopedist? Because I couldn’t know until we got imaging done (bad sprain, no fracture, on crutches), I could at least pull up the phone number of the orthopedist, send an absence note to school, and order an ankle brace. You may not be able to decide the whole thing. But you can take one step that will be useful either way. Draft the email. Start the list. Gather the documents.
Anyway, limbo is not a failure of planning. It is a phase of planning. Our work cannot be to eliminate limbo, but to figure out how to move inside it. (She repeats to herself over and over and over.)
If you need me this month, I’ll be crossing my fingers Ireland qualifies for the World Cup (talk about LIMBO. . . our entire summer revolves around this situation for my Dublin-born husband), gearing up for March Madness (gooooo Bruins, Hogs, and Gators! Yes, I know these teams do not make sense together, but as a sports-adjacent lady, I have reasons for rooting for all three), and hosting our annual St Paddy’s Day house party complete with an Irish band, a whiskey tasting table, and my newly famous Lucky Chow. Also, yes, I’m aware that deep casual hangs are a vibe right now, but there are times when you just feel like being EXTRA. So this is the reason you’ll find me making pots of gold with glitter that is all over my house for the next 100 years!
My annual St. Paddy’s Day pots of gold!
#togetherforever #clipboardsandclogs
Maia
PS I’m also reading this with my World Cup obsessed household, watching Season 2 of this on Hulu, and baking this for our upcoming St. Paddy’s blowout.
PPS Some of my favorite authors / influencers have some interesting stuff coming out, including Lisa Chun’s new book, Elena Aguilar’s Witch Wounds, and Mike G’s Flourishing Teens. I love people’s career paths with their twist and turns!
- How do you avoid the “toggle tax”? We’ve all been there – you’re working on an email and realize you need to look up a fact on the internet, but then you start to peruse the web and you hear a Slack ping come through, so you move over there. Wait, what were you working on again? Avoid the toggle tax by batching similar tasks and avoiding distractions — maybe even Bricking certain apps and sites.
- Embrace making parts of life a little harder. There are so many tools out there that seek to minimize the friction of everyday life. But sometimes this means we’re avoiding critical thinking and human interaction. Friction-maxxing could be the answer, allowing us to rebuild our tolerance for some inconvenience and boredom, to allow for more engagement on a human level.
- Scary tasks might not take as long as you think. We’ve all put off daunting tasks because they seem like they’ll take FOREVER (I’m looking at you, unpacking from a trip!). But maybe these tasks won’t be as bad as we’ve built them up to be, and we can get them finished in less time than we expect. I am going to time myself unpacking the duffel from a volleyball tournament a week ago and report back!
